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When Someone Passes Away; how long does it take to get over it?
Topic Started: Jan 15 2006, 10:43 PM (246 Views)
Mini Ozzi
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Alex Govan
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
i know this is a wired question to ask, but i miss my friend he died on june 25th last year, and i miss him so much, is it useall to still miss him like i do? it doesnt help knowing that he was killed!!

he was married and his wife dumped him, he got parnoid and wanted to go back home on holiday, and he saves his money up and goes, my big brother and his wife helps him pack, and off he goes, i goes on holiday myself with my family and comes back, im a half way though working when i come back, get a phone call, saying 'hayley, lee's dead' and since then im so upset his gone, i just want him back!!

is that usall (sp) too?

all i got to remember him by is that god dam song with those birds (lonely) and him sing a song from marry poppins!!! and also what rings around in my head is what he said 'bye hayz, im sorry to say, but your team might get relegated next season (which is this season now), dont worry if they do' maybe he might be right!!!
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Mr. Barnard
Geoff Horsfield
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Love is a wonderful thing. Besides being the greatest gift we have, it can be very painful. If you loved someone, you will miss them when they are gone. The more you loved them, the more you will miss them. I think that's OK though. I miss my father who died last year, I expect to miss him for the rest of my life, if I started to forget the hole he left in my life, I wuold feel I had lost my love for him. I never will. Try to be at ease with your loss. It probably isn't good to try to forget, try to remember the wonderful things about your friend and enjoy them as if he were here today. Tha way you keep him alive in your thoughts, through your love.
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jassyblue80
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Trevor Francis
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
I don't think you ever really get over a death/ loss of a love one...

with time it gets better, but sometimes little things can trigger all those feelings off again! a song is usually what does it to me :(
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proccy_blues
Joe Bradford
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Pat
Jan 16 2006, 08:36 AM
Love is a wonderful thing. Besides being the greatest gift we have, it can be very painful. If you loved someone, you will miss them when they are gone. The more you loved them, the more you will miss them. I think that's OK though. I miss my father who died last year, I expect to miss him for the rest of my life, if I started to forget the hole he left in my life, I wuold feel I had lost my love for him. I never will. Try to be at ease with your loss. It probably isn't good to try to forget, try to remember the wonderful things about your friend and enjoy them as if he were here today. Tha way you keep him alive in your thoughts, through your love.

spot on pat **thumbup

my mum died years ago and i miss her every day - she never got to see my beautiful daughters on whom she would have doted.
i try to think about her every day, and tell my kids how great she was, and little stories of the daft things she did, and its all because i dont want to forget her and i dont want my family to forget her either, even the ones who never knew her.
love is the best and most painful gift we have, enjoy it for what it is every day of your life, dv - never forget him, enjoy every memory you have, thats the meaning for me of eternal life ;)
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StAndrews4Eva
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Gil Merrick
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Grief is a very personal thing, some people find it easier to deal with than others.

My first serious boyfriend died in a car crash 8 years ago and i still miss him and think about him to this day - but i think of the find memories rather than an all consuming grief.

It may be a cliche but time is a great healer. Rejoice in the good memories and the hurt will fade away.
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dr.nick
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Trevor Francis
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
most on here know i lost my nephew in 2004 and i miss him we were very close,

it seems like i'm missing something from my life. is this the sameway you feel?

the first year of loss is the worst, all i can say is that remember the good times.

but it get easier i know it dont feel that way now but it will especialy if you have friends that new him as well as they will beable to understand from talking about things you shared.

above all talk about him tell people the funny things he did or the stupid things.

you seem to clinging on to the last time you saw more than the person he was .

you say that all you have are memories to remind you but i think they are the best things because no one can take them away and can never be lost or broaken.

you will never get over it but it will becaome easier and it will come to a point where you wont be scared to here those songs he liked but you will listen to them to remember him.

talking does help espscialy if the person knew him.

i hope everything works out keep your chin up.
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blue wsm
Ian Bennett
[ *  *  *  * ]
D-V hope you take some comfort in these posts.it sounds like youre a bit younger than some of us and looking for the magic answer.
sorry but just let time help heal the wounds of losing someone close.my dad died in 1991 and my oldest brother in 1994,i still talk to them now when i have a problem or just need to feel close to them again. maybe part of your grief comes of not actually saying good-bye,its hard but try and let go of what you should have said or done and celebrate the time you knew him.it does get easier when the first year passes as was mentioned,1st xmas without him birthdays,anniversay of his death etc: it doesnt get better,it does get easier :(
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patti03
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Geoff Horsfield
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
If you were close, the answer is Never, Hayley.
They become a fixture in your mind, so that they are always in your thoughts, you don't have to grieve forever, because they are inside your thoughts.

You won't forget them, but they would want you to move on; because if the roles were reversed, you would want them to move on wouldn't you?

You'll never lose the memory.
:rolleyes:


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garrybaldy
foley okenla, richie moran
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
My little Brother died in 1999 aged 23, we had everything in common, our love of drinking , Blues and the same women ;) **thumbup :lol: . I know i never stop thinking about him daily, what a great uncle he would have made to little jacob, how he would protect him, what would he have made with his life if he didnt die so soon.
I truly doubt i will ever get over the shock, it has left my mums life so hollow and as a double whammy her partner has just recently died on the 27 th . Always remember the good times with a lot of fondness, never forget....god bless hayz ;)
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dr.nick
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Trevor Francis
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garrybaldy
Jan 16 2006, 10:27 PM
My little Brother died in 1999 aged 23, we had everything in common, our love of drinking , Blues and the same women ;) **thumbup :lol: . I know i never stop thinking about him daily, what a great uncle he would have made to little jacob, how he would protect him, what would he have made with his life if he didnt die so soon.
I truly doubt i will ever get over the shock, it has left my mums life so hollow and as a double whammy her partner has just recently died on the 27 th . Always remember the good times with a lot of fondness, never forget....god bless hayz ;)

sorry to here that garry. nice post mate i think he would be proud **thumbup
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baron von bluenose
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Bob Latchford
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
sadly greif is eternal,try a fresh outlook on life and the things that make you happy do them. **thumbup .
but dont pull to hard eh
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MARKYMARK981
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Mikael Forssell
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
DarknessValley
Jan 15 2006, 10:43 PM
i know this is a wired question to ask, but i miss my friend he died on june 25th last year, and i miss him so much, is it useall to still miss him like i do? it doesnt help knowing that he was killed!!

he was married and his wife dumped him, he got parnoid and wanted to go back home on holiday, and he saves his money up and goes, my big brother and his wife helps him pack, and off he goes, i goes on holiday myself with my family and comes back, im a half way though working when i come back, get a phone call, saying 'hayley, lee's dead' and since then im so upset his gone, i just want him back!!

is that usall (sp) too?

all i got to remember him by is that god dam song with those birds (lonely) and him sing a song from marry poppins!!! and also what rings around in my head is what he said 'bye hayz, im sorry to say, but your team might get relegated next season (which is this season now), dont worry if they do' maybe he might be right!!!

you never get over it nobody can you just have to learn to deal with it,

Try not to be too sad just remeber him and all those good times and memories

and remeber he is never really gone as he will live on in your heart for ever !

Live life to the full as you never know which day will be your last **thumbup
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MARKYMARK981
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Mikael Forssell
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Proccy
Jan 16 2006, 08:51 AM
Pat
Jan 16 2006, 08:36 AM
Love is a wonderful thing. Besides being the greatest gift we have, it can be very painful. If you loved someone, you will miss them when they are gone. The more you loved them, the more you will miss them. I think that's OK though. I miss my father who died last year, I expect to miss him for the rest of my life, if I started to forget the hole he left in my life, I wuold feel I had lost my love for him. I never will. Try to be at ease with your loss. It probably isn't good to try to forget, try to remember the wonderful things about your friend and enjoy them as if he were here today. Tha way you keep him alive in your thoughts, through your love.

spot on pat **thumbup

my mum died years ago and i miss her every day - she never got to see my beautiful daughters on whom she would have doted.
i try to think about her every day, and tell my kids how great she was, and little stories of the daft things she did, and its all because i dont want to forget her and i dont want my family to forget her either, even the ones who never knew her.
love is the best and most painful gift we have, enjoy it for what it is every day of your life, dv - never forget him, enjoy every memory you have, thats the meaning for me of eternal life ;)

nice post mate brought a tear to my eye
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djmmusic
Alex Govan
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
I lost my dad on December 21st. Still seems surreal; he was the fittest of the lot of us.
July he was climbing mountains in Glencoe, August complained of a tickling cough,September suspected pneumonia,October diagnosed with a form of asbestos related lung cancer, November chemo, December he died.

I suppose it must take as long at it takes to come to terms with the loss; there's no right or wrong.
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Aff
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Frank Worthington
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Quote:
 
I think that when you live out your life on an internet message board, it would be probably take you longer than it would if you got out in the real world and experienced life a little.

Isn't there a touch of irony in your post?

Posts in this thread have shown me that I've never really lost anyone close to me and that we should cherish those close to us. I lost both my grandparents to cancer when I was much younger but before I went to Australia for an unspecified amount of time, one night I just broke down and felt the need to see them.

The next day I went and said hello and just sat with them at the Crem for a while. It helped. As someoen else said, it's a personal thing but you do what you do to get through with it. There's no right nor wrong answer for any one individual.
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Blues
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Mikael Forssell
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Aff
Jan 17 2006, 03:36 PM

Isn't there a touch of irony in your post?


Not really.
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proccy_blues
Joe Bradford
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MARKYMARK981
Jan 16 2006, 11:13 PM
Proccy
Jan 16 2006, 08:51 AM
Pat
Jan 16 2006, 08:36 AM
Love is a wonderful thing. Besides being the greatest gift we have, it can be very painful. If you loved someone, you will miss them when they are gone. The more you loved them, the more you will miss them. I think that's OK though. I miss my father who died last year, I expect to miss him for the rest of my life, if I started to forget the hole he left in my life, I wuold feel I had lost my love for him. I never will. Try to be at ease with your loss. It probably isn't good to try to forget, try to remember the wonderful things about your friend and enjoy them as if he were here today. Tha way you keep him alive in your thoughts, through your love.

spot on pat **thumbup

my mum died years ago and i miss her every day - she never got to see my beautiful daughters on whom she would have doted.
i try to think about her every day, and tell my kids how great she was, and little stories of the daft things she did, and its all because i dont want to forget her and i dont want my family to forget her either, even the ones who never knew her.
love is the best and most painful gift we have, enjoy it for what it is every day of your life, dv - never forget him, enjoy every memory you have, thats the meaning for me of eternal life ;)

nice post mate brought a tear to my eye

cheers - you soft git!! it aint just me then? **thumbup
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TJDIXI
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Trevor Francis
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
DarknessValley
Jan 15 2006, 11:43 PM
i know this is a wired question to ask, but i miss my friend he died on june 25th last year, and i miss him so much, is it useall to still miss him like i do? it doesnt help knowing that he was killed!!

he was married and his wife dumped him, he got parnoid and wanted to go back home on holiday, and he saves his money up and goes, my big brother and his wife helps him pack, and off he goes, i goes on holiday myself with my family and comes back, im a half way though working when i come back, get a phone call, saying 'hayley, lee's dead' and since then im so upset his gone, i just want him back!!

is that usall (sp) too?

all i got to remember him by is that god dam song with those birds (lonely) and him sing a song from marry poppins!!!  and also what rings around in my head is what he said 'bye hayz, im sorry to say, but your team might get relegated next season (which is this season now), dont worry if they do' maybe he might be right!!!

take your time darkness but don't forget that although you've faced a loss you still have a life to lead yorself and by getting on you'll come to terms but not neccersarily getting over it. As they say time is a great healer.
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darenblueblue
Geoff Horsfield
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Great post DV, although a sad one.

My mum died about 8 years ago and I still miss her every day.

I can remember taking her away to the Brighton game and she seemed
to scream "go on Leggy (Andy Legg)" every time he touched the ball.

Strangely enough, when Yorke was scoring lots (too many) for the Vile she asked "Why can't we just go out and buy that Yorkie guy?"

None of the above is interesting for anyone else really but me but it goes to show you will always keep your memories.

I guess if it was easy to lose someone they never really meant that much to you, so its good to miss people.

btw, after reading your post about the counselling, how are you doing?
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