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| Brilliant Letter | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Oct 12 2010, 06:07 PM (169 Views) | |
| treetop | Oct 12 2010, 06:07 PM Post #1 |
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Alex Govan
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We all seem to have problems with utilities, banks or other services. Try this on for size. I have produced it in large text for obvious reasons. > > > A SENIOR MOMENT - An elderly lady actually wrote this letter to her bank. The bank > manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in The Times and this newspaper thanks him most > sincerely. > > > Dear Sir, > > I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my > plumber last month. By my calculations, three 'nanoseconds' must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque > and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly > deposit of my Pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only thirty eight years.. You are to > be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account £30 by way of > penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. > > My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to > rethink my errant financial ways. > > I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I > try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, re-recorded, faceless entity which your > bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and > loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, > addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. > > Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such > an envelope. > > Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen > employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as > your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must > be countersigned by a Solicitor, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets > and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. > > In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in > dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number > of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. > > As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. > > Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as > follows: > > 1-- To make an appointment to see me. > > 2-- To query a missing payment. > > 3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there. > > 4-- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping. > > 5-- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature. > > 6-- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home. > > 7-- To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required. A > password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorised Contact.) > > 8-- To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 8 > > 9-- To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, > pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, > uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. > > Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee > to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New > Year. > > Your Humble Client > > > > Addendum from The Editor: > > > > IMPORTANT to REMEMBER that this letter was written by a 98 year old woman. > > > DOESN'T SHE MAKE YOU PROUD!!! |
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| Woodbine | Oct 12 2010, 06:55 PM Post #2 |
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Mikael Forssell
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I'm surprised at you, Treetop. This is just another of those 'true' emails that silver surfers love to pass around to their internet friends as a way of keeping in touch. It was actually written as a humour piece by an Australian newspaper columnist in 1999 and has never appeared as a news item in the Times. It's been doing the rounds for many years. http://www.snopes.com/business/bank/takethat.asp |
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| treetop | Oct 12 2010, 06:58 PM Post #3 |
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Alex Govan
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It was sent to me woody, I'm just passing it on sorry if it's offended you matey. Perhaps I should have put it in the jokes section. |
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| Blooboy | Oct 12 2010, 07:04 PM Post #4 |
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haha nice one :D |
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| Woodbine | Oct 12 2010, 08:15 PM Post #5 |
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Mikael Forssell
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Hey, Treetop, you haven't offended me mate. Just that it's advisable to run a check on these stories that circulate via email. **thumbup |
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| ringo182 | Oct 12 2010, 09:27 PM Post #6 |
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Geoff Horsfield
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ah snopes. the hours i've wasted on that site in the past. |
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