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Dealing With Grief
Topic Started: Dec 17 2010, 12:04 AM (278 Views)
stirchleyblue
Trevor Hockey
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Hi guys this is my 1st post on here I lost my mom in aug of this year and I'm struggling really bad still I don't wanna get out of bed just feel Lost can anybody tell me or advise how long I will feel like this? Thank you
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West Heath Blue
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stirchleyblue
Dec 17 2010, 01:04 AM
Hi guys this is my 1st post on here I lost my mom in aug of this year and I'm struggling really bad still I don't wanna get out of bed just feel Lost can anybody tell me or advise how long I will feel like this? Thank you

Bloody hell mate im sorry to here this????

You have had a massive loss my man have you got any one to talk too?
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stirchleyblue
Trevor Hockey
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Thank you I have done but it don't seem to help people have suggested counciling ( spelling) but I find talking to people face to face I don't know quite hard.
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West Heath Blue
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stirchleyblue
Dec 17 2010, 01:13 AM
Thank you I have done but it don't seem to help people have suggested counciling ( spelling) but I find talking to people face to face I don't know quite hard.

I have PMd you mate but there is hope & help out there when you are ready.

KRO Fella **thumbup
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baron von bluenose
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Bob Latchford
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hey stirch theres a few people here who have shared your greif but you know your mom wouldnt want this you cant turn the clock back but you have to move forward things will get better and you have to pick yourself up and carry on if you have a family of your own you need to focus an this

nobody has advice for this but people can tell you how it was for them, your going through a huge change in your feelings and emotions and your confused as to how to get past this.

it helped me just to have a conversation with my passed dad and imagine what he would say back they always talk sense, my dad died 2007 and each birthday and xmas are hard and seem to highlight greif.

ultimatly you have to accept that there in a much better place than we are,and one day we will all be reunited
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maulley54
Mikael Forssell
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thats good advice from the baron.
i lost my mum 2 years ago, she was taken into hospital after a fall at home and died overnight, it was that sudden. my dad had died 8 years earlier, and my wife summed it up perfectly, she said, " i dont think your mum just died, i think gordon (my dad) came down and fetched her. you have to believe that, they are in a much better place than us. and sometime we will all be together again. ask yourself this, your mum would never want you to be unhappy so dont let her down. remember her and your dad every day, talk to her if you want to, let her know how you are doing and she will be happy, and tell her as i put on my mums flowers, " i,ll see you in my dreams.
pm me if you wish buddy, we have not and probably will never meet but if you want to talk let me know, you are not alone. best wishes buddy and KRO, from the baggie.
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bluenose71
Martin Grainger
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stirchleyblue
Dec 17 2010, 12:13 AM
Thank you I have done but it don't seem to help people have suggested counciling ( spelling) but I find talking to people face to face I don't know quite hard.

If you find face to face contact difficult then try ringing the samaritans mate,the old cliche about getting things off your chest and sharing your problems is true.Iwish you all the best in this difficult time buddy and to quote another cliche time really is a great healer.All the very best to you.
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thehod
Mikael Forssell
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stirchleyblue
Dec 17 2010, 12:13 AM
Thank you I have done but it don't seem to help people have suggested counciling ( spelling) but I find talking to people face to face I don't know quite hard.

I know that the thought of councilling can be quite daunting to many, but look at it this way, trying a counciller is not going to hurt any, and may just be what you need.

It is no slight on anyone's character to admit that they need a little help and support when going through grief, and an understanding that it effects everyone in different ways is a useful thing to know.

Speaking to someone won't heal the pain, but it may allow you to look on life with a different perspective that helps you cope with it a little better.

Honestly stirchley, please go and ask for some help from a proffessional, and not us muppets on a message board. Please?

Hope things come good for you mate.
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dr.nick
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Trevor Francis
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stirchleyblue
Dec 17 2010, 12:04 AM
Hi guys this is my 1st post on here I lost my mom in aug of this year and I'm struggling really bad still I don't wanna get out of bed just feel Lost can anybody tell me or advise how long I will feel like this? Thank you

Best thing is keep busy and have company like friends or family, being alone just makes it last longer.

I know at times like this you want to be alone but I find it makes you feel worse because you think too much.
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Holmsie
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Frank Worthington
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dr.nick
Dec 17 2010, 02:36 PM
stirchleyblue
Dec 17 2010, 12:04 AM
Hi guys this is my 1st post on here I lost my mom in aug of this year and I'm struggling really bad still I don't wanna get out of bed just feel Lost can anybody tell me or advise how long I will feel like this? Thank you

Best thing is keep busy and have company like friends or family, being alone just makes it last longer.

I know at times like this you want to be alone but I find it makes you feel worse because you think too much.

I agree with Dr.Nick. Keep busy and have lots of good company around you!

My mom lost her dad and brother within the space of 3 months a couple of years ago. Obviously it hit her quite hard, she left her job and had to go on anti-depressants.

A few years later and she's back to normal and has a better job than the one she left.

So there is hope and things do get easier.

I'd also try speaking to a professional (doctor?) aswell mate.

KEEP RIGHT ON
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trev984
Frank Worthington
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Stirchleyblue.

Mate do you realise you're already on the road to recovery. You've opened up to us lot on here. That's half the battle believe me making the first step.

There's lots of us on here who have been through similar situations. I lost my dad aged 60. my brother only 52 and my mam aged 90. but we all soldiered on, with help from friends and family.

Don't hesitate to seek out professional help. It really is the best.

Take my missus for example. She is an only child, and all her relatives come from up Hartlepool way. Her Mam and Dad lived in a flat on the side of our house, and her Dad died on Christmas Eve, wrapping the grandchildrens presents up. So that date never gets forgotten. Less than two months later, on our 25th wedding anniversary party, her Mam drops down dead without warning. Another date that will not be forgotten. My missus was on tranquillisers. Our doctor arranged for a counsellor to visit, and after three more visits she was ok.

Don't hesitate any longer, go see your Doctor and ask about help for people in your situation.

Good luck mate, and keep your pecker up.

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Mrs_Ferguson
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Geoff Horsfield
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stirchleyblue
Dec 17 2010, 12:04 AM
Hi guys this is my 1st post on here I lost my mom in aug of this year and I'm struggling really bad still I don't wanna get out of bed just feel Lost can anybody tell me or advise how long I will feel like this? Thank you

Hey! Firstly I want to say sorry for your loss & that you feel the way you do. You've been given good advice by others here but I just thought I'd add my comments. I can empathise with you a wee bit because I lost my dad when I was 13 & my mum when I was 15 and was left completely on my own. I guess in a way I had an advantage of still being a kid & it was a long time ago. That said, I had the support of extended family and without them and my friends I would probably not have managed.

I'm not sure what your situation is but I presume you have friends/family you can talk to? If not then maybe it is worth thinking about getting counselling help, it's never too late for that & I believe it helps. Also you should think about what your mum would want you to be doing? Obviously she'd expect you to be a bit lost etc but I'm sure she'd want you to live your life for yourself and do her proud.

Unfortunately in this life we all have to suffer sadness, illness, bereavement etc & it's horrible. Things will get better for you though. You'll still miss your mum but maybe soon you'll be able to smile & think of how proud she'd be of you etc rather than crying your eyes out etc. Cliche or not, time does heal.

Hope things get better for you soon! Take care.

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treetop
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Alex Govan
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Stirch, no words anyone can say at this moment probably won't make you feel any better. But believe me when I say time is a good healer, my dad died when I was only 4 years old my mom died when I was 5 years old my first wife died when she was only 48. Life's a b-i-t-c-h sometimes but as someone has already said your mom wouldn't want you to suffer this way. Life goes on matey and nobody can guarantee you anything during your lifetime. The only guarantee you get is without doubt everyone on this planet will die someday and the world will keep on turning.

So chin up and just remember the good times you and your mom had. No one can take away your memories they will last your lifetime.

I have now found true happiness with my second wife, she has been my rock through some bad patches ie when I lost my job, we have our momemts of course but doesn't everyone?
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stirchleyblue
Trevor Hockey
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thank you all for your kind words ive decided i do need to speak to a councillor so we will see how that goes. what makes this year worse was that i lost an unsle & 3 year old cousin so its been a pretty poor year for me kro
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West Heath Blue
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stirchleyblue
Dec 17 2010, 09:38 PM
thank you all for your kind words ive decided i do need to speak to a councillor so we will see how that goes. what makes this year worse was that i lost an unsle & 3 year old cousin so its been a pretty poor year for me kro

Thats a positive step SB you are doing the right thing mate **thumbup

I hope you come through this year and get back on your feet again i'm sure you will.

Good luck
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stirchleyblue
Trevor Hockey
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Yep that's my 1st step on Monday morning in the meantime the blues can give me 3 points tomoz kro
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PartisanBCFC
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Jack Wiseman
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The greatest healer of all is ......Time


As years go by the initial grief erodes away a little but of course the cherished memories of our closest, loved ones always remain with us forever

I lost my mom 18 years ago (she was only 70 which I still consider relatively young) and rarely a day goes by when I do not think about her
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thehod
Mikael Forssell
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If stirchley will forgive me this, there is a little speech from a favourite book of mine that has always helped me when I've needed to cope with grief. I don't expect it to mean anything to anyone else, but I find it gave me the comfort and outlook to carry on with my life.

"You are mortal: it is the mortal way. You attend the funeral, you bid the dead farewell.
You grieve. Then you continue with your life.
And at times the fact of her absence will hit you like a blow to the chest, and you will weep.
But this will happen less and less as time goes on.
She is dead.
You are alive.
So live."
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