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Dilemma And I Need Advice; (long story as usual)
Topic Started: Jul 7 2011, 07:37 AM (557 Views)
lordnewtown
Geoff Horsfield
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
The Concerned Potato Head
Jul 7 2011, 04:56 PM
think people need to lay off lordnewtown a little bit. it doesnt look as straight forward as it appears to me


Ste,

1. i think you should postpone the trip for another month at least, a month that would be of less financial damage to you. now is the rainy season now anyway over there i think, Jamaica will still be 30 degrees whatever the month.

2. honestly, it does sound like you need some counselling with the missus. obviously finances are a big issue in your household and i think you 2 need a consistent and agreeable way of dealing with your money. her forcing the trip is not looking good for her tbh, especially when she knows the financial implications.

3. i think a trip away would only temporarily distract from the real issues you have going on at the moment. plus she will spending most of the weekdays on business while you look after the baby? what the hell kinda holiday is that? there's no point of that at all, although Jamaica is a very nice place, i don't see the dangling carrot for that one.


if she is so hell bent on this, she should go alone and use her own money. meanwhile you can ask for her parents support while at home. she's being selfish mate, not reasonable at all, but that's women, that's what they do, they walk all over us!

hopefully when you save up a bit more, you can have a genuine holiday, and maybe even her parents will be able to join you on hols and help with the baby while you relax.

Cheers mate but the parents ARE over there already. That was one of my points, her going alone would be sort of okay as she could leave my daughter with her folks, sisters etc and they live 15 mins drive from where this business venture is taking place.
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lordnewtown
Geoff Horsfield
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
proccy_blues
Jul 7 2011, 06:25 PM
SimonBCFC
Jul 7 2011, 07:23 PM
proccy_blues
Jul 7 2011, 07:15 PM
don't go - use the 3 weeks to dump her and get your apparently crappy life in order.

every post i read of yours is based on misery and being broke - yet your wife appears to have plenty of money of her own - wtf????? what's that about?

you don't have a relationship, you have a partnership held together with the glue that is your baby - and she will hate you too if you hang about promoting a miserable and dis-jointed relationship ( i use the term loosely )

now after that you may think i work for Relate, but i can assure you i dont
:whistle:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yB7J7DYi6M

lmfao

It's great that you two can have a good laugh at someone's expense, someone who's going through some genuinely tough times. Whatever happened to support eh? Especially between fellow football fans.

I'm sitting here wondering if the two of you have ever gone through some serious sheit in your lives? Were people supportive? Or did they insult and mock like this?

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SimonBCFC
Member Avatar
Mike Skinner
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
You want me to stroke your hair and tell you everything will be okay? Well tbh you've had enough of that in the last 293 threads you have made on a similar note, you need the cold hard truth mate, but as I say, you can’t handle the truth.

Both Proccy and I make valid points. Take them on board, everyone else is just namby pambying you and the situation you are in.

And yes, I did just say namby pambying B)
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blueblood
Johnny Vincent
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
I still think you should go.
Here's some sites that may be of interest to you.

WONGA

CASH 4 GOLD

QUICK QUID

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ringo182
Member Avatar
Geoff Horsfield
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
while i think that the posts by various people on this thread have been completely out of order, i do think you need to have a serious look at your relationship if it's anything like how you have made it out to be in this thread.

what kind of married couple have seperate finances so one can afford to book a 3 week holiday to Jamaica while the other can't aford to take the time off work? as others have said, your not in a relationship, your simply stuck with someone because you happen to share a daughter. if you were in a proper relationship then she wouldn't have booked a holiday without running it past you and you would feel perfectly comfortable to say how yu feel to her rather then having to open yourself up to ridicule on a football message board.

i think the holiday is the least of your worries. the first thing you need to do is sort out the actual relationship or current lack of one.

as for the holiday, i wouldn't go. she is obviously taking you for a mug and just expects you to sit at home with your daughter while she goea galivanting around the island. let her family do something like she is always saying they would if they were there.
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Willie
Member Avatar
Willie
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
lordnewtown
Jul 7 2011, 09:50 AM
SimonBCFC
Jul 7 2011, 08:45 AM
You say you don’t want criticism, but Jesus Christ, someone needs to give you a slap let alone a criticism. You have no money yet book a 3 week holiday? and only have 1 week paid. You seem to rush into things and think of the consequences later, until you sort that out there really is no hope for you and you'll end up doing another thread like this in a few weeks time with a similar issue.

As for going, I'd cancel it completely; have a week in Devon/Wales with the family, sounds a lot more within your means.

I just cant get my head around why you would book a 3 week holiday to Jamaica when money is tight  :unsure:

I dont get this going for business lark from you mrs, you sure she aint having it off with someone, why would she spend a lot of a money on a 3 week holiday to work every day. Who does she work for? Surely they should be paying if it’s a business trip. You will be left babysitting as you say, great fun... Who goes on holiday for 3 weeks at a time especially when they have a baby :blink:

Oh and don’t have a go at me for giving you an honest answer, sounds to me as if no one has given it you straight for a long time, you need to have a serious word with yourself.

Sounds like YOU need a friggin slap!

If you read my post you'd see that MY WIFE booked the holiday, so don't go having go at me for booking a holiday when money's tight. My wife's money isn't tight, and she's the one who booked it.

But to imply that she's doing the dirty on me is out of order, I know full well what her business interests are and it's nothing like that!

How come Maulley could read the exact same post and give me some decent feedback yet you can't?

If i were you i would do as Maulley suggests.


As for the other less helpful comments. ignore them they only post it to get a reaction.
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Jim Jimmeney
Member Avatar
Paul Tait
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
If you still truly love your wife and want to spend the rest of your life with her then do the one that you honestly think is best for your marriage.

Take the two weeks unpaid out of the equation if you can, times are hard at the moment but with two or three tight months you will be straight again and in a lifetime that is nothing.

Clearly which ever one you opt for will be the wrong choice (curse of being a bloke) so go with your best intentions and then just nod and say yes dear a lot when you are being shouted at for making the wrong choice. ;)




In the name of disclosure I should point out that I am 37 and have spent the majority of my life single so don’t consider myself an ideal choice for relationship advice.
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bluebat56
Trevor Hockey
[ * ]
follow your heart.
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Migster
Bob Latchford
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
I can't help but think that if you stood on that table that does the hog roast in the George's beer garden and told this tale, you'd get a similar response. If you want the best advice, a BCFC internet forum isn't the best place to start.
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proccy_blues
Joe Bradford
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
lordnewtown
Jul 7 2011, 07:33 PM
proccy_blues
Jul 7 2011, 06:25 PM
SimonBCFC
Jul 7 2011, 07:23 PM
proccy_blues
Jul 7 2011, 07:15 PM
don't go - use the 3 weeks to dump her and get your apparently crappy life in order.

every post i read of yours is based on misery and being broke - yet your wife appears to have plenty of money of her own - wtf????? what's that about?

you don't have a relationship, you have a partnership held together with the glue that is your baby - and she will hate you too if you hang about promoting a miserable and dis-jointed relationship ( i use the term loosely )

now after that you may think i work for Relate, but i can assure you i dont
:whistle:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yB7J7DYi6M

lmfao

It's great that you two can have a good laugh at someone's expense, someone who's going through some genuinely tough times. Whatever happened to support eh? Especially between fellow football fans.

I'm sitting here wondering if the two of you have ever gone through some serious sheit in your lives? Were people supportive? Or did they insult and mock like this?

you need to peer down from your high-horse and look at what people (me too) are suggesting and stop being an emotional cripple - i put lmfao at the youtube link not at your plight, and nowhere in my post did i mock you.

at the end of the day if you're too bound up in your own grief and misery to grasp she can't stand you, that's not my problem. if you post up asking for opinions and views you shouldn't be surprised that the answers are not all pink and fluffy. i think a spell of growing up would suit you well.

as for your flippant comment that i have had no "sheite" i'm separated from my kids and every day i am kills me inside - but hey, who gives a sheite eh?
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wardendbluenose
Alex Govan
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Her idea, so she can foot the bill, jobs agooden, sit back and enjoy the sunshine and quality time with the young one.
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lordnewtown
Geoff Horsfield
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
proccy_blues
Jul 7 2011, 08:59 PM
lordnewtown
Jul 7 2011, 07:33 PM
proccy_blues
Jul 7 2011, 06:25 PM
SimonBCFC
Jul 7 2011, 07:23 PM
proccy_blues
Jul 7 2011, 07:15 PM
don't go - use the 3 weeks to dump her and get your apparently crappy life in order.

every post i read of yours is based on misery and being broke - yet your wife appears to have plenty of money of her own - wtf????? what's that about?

you don't have a relationship, you have a partnership held together with the glue that is your baby - and she will hate you too if you hang about promoting a miserable and dis-jointed relationship ( i use the term loosely )

now after that you may think i work for Relate, but i can assure you i dont
:whistle:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yB7J7DYi6M

lmfao

It's great that you two can have a good laugh at someone's expense, someone who's going through some genuinely tough times. Whatever happened to support eh? Especially between fellow football fans.

I'm sitting here wondering if the two of you have ever gone through some serious sheit in your lives? Were people supportive? Or did they insult and mock like this?

you need to peer down from your high-horse and look at what people (me too) are suggesting and stop being an emotional cripple - i put lmfao at the youtube link not at your plight, and nowhere in my post did i mock you.

at the end of the day if you're too bound up in your own grief and misery to grasp she can't stand you, that's not my problem. if you post up asking for opinions and views you shouldn't be surprised that the answers are not all pink and fluffy. i think a spell of growing up would suit you well.

as for your flippant comment that i have had no "sheite" i'm separated from my kids and every day i am kills me inside - but hey, who gives a sheite eh?

Despite my animosity towards you, I am genuinely sorry for the fact that you are separated from your kids.

So although mine is on a much smaller scale (as in 3 weeks), why are you not being more empathetic? Surely you must understand the position I'm in, having to choose between my daughter and common sense, even if just for a few weeks.

I'm sorry that you have been through some 'sheite', it's just that from the tone of your posts (Simon BCFC's too), it seemed like you were someone who has an easy life and any time someone posts a problem you just assume that it's all their fault coz you're too good to be in that situation.
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tim
Member Avatar
Malcom Page
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
You know the answers, you wrote them.

Quote:
 
But at this moment in time, I'm 50/50 on whether or not I should be going.


Quote:
 
My wife is the one who booked the whole thing,


Quote:
 
with 2 weeks unpaid leave, I'll be only getting half a wage that month, and money is already friggin tight anyway.


Quote:
 
Then there's the minor issue of the fact that I actually don't WANT to go,


Quote:
 
we've not exactly been getting on like a house on fire.


Quote:
 
a husband and wife having a few weeks away from each other can be just what the relationship needs to improve things.


Quote:
 
my wife made it clear to me that there may be times in the future where I can'tget out of work and they go away themselves so I'll have to get used to it at some point.



Quote:
 
In other words, I can't help thinking that I'm only being brought along as a babysitter.


Quote:
 
my daughter would be perfectly okay with her family.


Quote:
 
all the practicalities of the situation seem to suggest that it would be better for me to stay in Birmingham.

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proccy_blues
Joe Bradford
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
lordnewtown
Jul 7 2011, 10:27 PM
proccy_blues
Jul 7 2011, 08:59 PM
lordnewtown
Jul 7 2011, 07:33 PM
proccy_blues
Jul 7 2011, 06:25 PM
SimonBCFC
Jul 7 2011, 07:23 PM
proccy_blues
Jul 7 2011, 07:15 PM
don't go - use the 3 weeks to dump her and get your apparently crappy life in order.

every post i read of yours is based on misery and being broke - yet your wife appears to have plenty of money of her own - wtf????? what's that about?

you don't have a relationship, you have a partnership held together with the glue that is your baby - and she will hate you too if you hang about promoting a miserable and dis-jointed relationship ( i use the term loosely )

now after that you may think i work for Relate, but i can assure you i dont
:whistle:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yB7J7DYi6M

lmfao

It's great that you two can have a good laugh at someone's expense, someone who's going through some genuinely tough times. Whatever happened to support eh? Especially between fellow football fans.

I'm sitting here wondering if the two of you have ever gone through some serious sheit in your lives? Were people supportive? Or did they insult and mock like this?

you need to peer down from your high-horse and look at what people (me too) are suggesting and stop being an emotional cripple - i put lmfao at the youtube link not at your plight, and nowhere in my post did i mock you.

at the end of the day if you're too bound up in your own grief and misery to grasp she can't stand you, that's not my problem. if you post up asking for opinions and views you shouldn't be surprised that the answers are not all pink and fluffy. i think a spell of growing up would suit you well.

as for your flippant comment that i have had no "sheite" i'm separated from my kids and every day i am kills me inside - but hey, who gives a sheite eh?

Despite my animosity towards you, I am genuinely sorry for the fact that you are separated from your kids.

So although mine is on a much smaller scale (as in 3 weeks), why are you not being more empathetic? Surely you must understand the position I'm in, having to choose between my daughter and common sense, even if just for a few weeks.

I'm sorry that you have been through some 'sheite', it's just that from the tone of your posts (Simon BCFC's too), it seemed like you were someone who has an easy life and any time someone posts a problem you just assume that it's all their fault coz you're too good to be in that situation.

i don't want your sympathy, i'm fine and i'm getting on with life and i'm relatively happy - what i'm trying to say is we all have sheite to deal with, many people are worse off than you or me. certainly coming on here and whinging about maybe or maybe not going to jamaica for 3 weeks is hardly likely to get you too much sympathy - fact.

you need to face the fact your relationship appears to be at least doomed and probably already broken, and your job is to either fix that or get out with the least impact on your child in my opinion.

write a very long list of pro's and con's and decide from that - my money (if you're honest) is that you and your wife are no longer in love, it's just a convenience and the easy way to live
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SimonBCFC
Member Avatar
Mike Skinner
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
woah woah woah, all I have said is what I genuinely feel and think about your predicament, which has been echoed by other people. Most people have actually agreed but have just gone about posting a bit 'nicer' than I did. The fact you have reacted badly tells me you don’t even realise your situation.

Oh and we all have ‘shiete’, most of us just chose to speak to our mates as opposed to random people on an internet forum, if you dont want honest answer, dont ask. If you want someone to tell you everything is fine and you’re okay then speak to your Nan.

Also on a side note, I use these forums for my own amusement not to tread on egg shells around someone who is upset so if I want to post something funny I will, so stop whining about it, this is just the internetz.
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keepthecityblue
Member Avatar
Frank Worthington
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
I do think you should look at what Proccy and Simon have said a bit more closely.

Maybe I am wrong - but I dont think they are just posting "for a reaction" - they have just posted how they honestly see it.

If you ask someone for their honest opinion - then you have to be prepared for whatever they think.

I generally find honesty works a lot better anyway - it might not be what you wanted to hear - but if you just want people to tell you what you want to hear then you obviously dont want their honest opinion.

Also, I'm not sure I am alone in this thought, but just find it a bit odd that money can be tight for you and not your wife....

It seems strange for a married couple not to pool their money together and see what "we" can afford rather than just I.
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maulley54
Mikael Forssell
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
well i was being honest with my reply. and that was my opinion that i am entitled to.
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